Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
