he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
