I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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