In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
