In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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