you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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