i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
