That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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