We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
