At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
