Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
