i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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