I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
