she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
