Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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