Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't turn off my feet"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
