He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
