He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
