We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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