worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
