She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
