dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
