Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
