She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just threw up on my dentist
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
