Do you still have your period?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
