I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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