dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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