It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Im part way to drunk.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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