My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
