I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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