I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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