I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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