Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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