She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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