here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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