dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize