We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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