I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
