wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
