Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You made out with two different species that night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
