She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
