How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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