Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
