i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
