some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
