Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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