Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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