if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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