So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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