At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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