Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
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