My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
