well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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