it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
