Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
