i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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