Screwed.edu
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
