There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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