Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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