Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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