i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
