I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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