Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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