John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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